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We’ve been without “Heroes” for roughly nine months. Fortunately, “Lost” is awesome enough to fill some of that void, but regardless, it’s due time for us to get a new season of “Heroes.” Not only did we finally get it, we got two hours of it and the premiere basically trumped all of last season. Unlike last season, they did not flood us with new characters but instead worked with those established characters and began setting up what I estimate to be a potentially amazing season.

What I really liked was that we found our cast of heroes for the most part separated from each other, but nonetheless all of their storylines have an interconnected plot. Once again, we’re talking the fate of the world. For instance, Hiro is now the head of his father’s company, but he’s bored and seeking a quest. Sure enough, his father leaves him a video explaining that he must protect a secret, half of a formula that could destroy the world if it falls into the wrong hands. Even better (or worse depending on your perspective, I suppose), as Hiro is looking at the formula it is stolen from him by a speedster (new character, sweet power). Better yet, Hiro takes a peak at the future and sees himself and Ando in a heated argument, ending with Ando killing him! With some sort of red energy blast that shoots from his hand! Ando with powers?

Ando isn’t the only one who scores some sweet powers after riding shotgun for two season. Mohinder figures out a way to give abilities to humans, and so he injects himself. As a result he gets strength, speed, agility, the ability to scale walls, and overall sensory enhancement. Oh yeah, and he gets a bit agressive and sleeps with Maya. This is not your nerdy Mohinder anymore.

Also important to note is that Nathan survives (yes!) and his assassin is none other than future Peter, who replaces present Peter by putting present Peter in the body of an inmate imprisoned by the Company. So now future Peter is masquerading as present Peter, but unfortunately, he did not think carefully enough about his actions as his mother points out that his presence has disrupted and changed continuity, one such result being that Sylar got to Claire and scored her healing ability. Not good.

That’s not to say that Claire is dead. We learned that contrary to popular belief, Sylar does not eat brains to gain abilities, it’s more like he learns how they work and then gains the ability. He doesn’t take the ability away from them, and so in this particular case, Claire was able to heal, but now, apparently, she doesn’t feel pain. After this encounter, Claire enlists the help of Peter (future Peter) in hopes that he’ll train her to fight. The theme of this season seems to revolve around everybody getting some badass edge to them, which is awesome. Here is where I’ll point out that the term “awesome” can never be overused when it comes to this episode.

As for Nikki, we now think Nikki might be someone called Tracy who works in government. But just when that began making sense, she killed a guy by freezing the &%*# out of him. Maybe it’s an amnesiac Nikki, but if that’s the case, where did this new power come from?

In the spirit of wrapping things up, I’ll finish up with a few more points. We first saw Noah being held in a maximum security prison area with some bad looking dudes with some scary powers (present Peter happened to be trapped next door to him). Elle and Sylar just so happened to duke it out in this area, shorting out the power and knocking Sylar unconscious, allowing Sylar to be captured and a prison break to occur. Now present Peter is on the run with some bad dudes, villains, while Noah has been reunited with Claire but is on a mission to take down the villains.

If you didn’t bother to read most of the above, then just know this. “Heroes” is back and it’s already shaping up to being a solid season.

Most would argue that “Survivor” is the same thing over and over again every season. I hear this argument, I don’t know,two or three times a week, and here’s what’s up: the people who argue this are 100% wrong. This game is fascinating, and while there was definitely a lull period where it did seem like the castaways were chosen to fill somewhat specific stereotypical roles at times, the show has definitely moved past that. People enter this game and no season plays out exactly like a preceding season. There are shake-ups along the way that hinder any player’s ability to make sure that everything goes according to plan. That said, never tell me that every season of “Survivor” is the same. You’re wrong. You’ll always be wrong.

With that off my chest, I’ll move onto my reaction to the season premiere. This season takes place in Gabon (Africa), which I think is pretty awesome because the last few seasons have all been primarily tropical locations, I’m glad to see a jungle type setting. In any case, obviously they’ve been split into two tribes. One tribe sucks. The other does not suck. Fang is the tribe that sucks, and they suck, namely because they’re all just collectively stupid. We’ll come back to that. Kota does not suck at all. They’re smart, athletic, get along fairly well, and are all around cooler people.

Specifically, a few castaways have already made names for themselves, whereas usually it takes me a few episodes to sort of get names and such straight. Bob. Bob is like, this cool older guy who knows how to do all this outdoorsman-type stuff. He’s a nerdy looking Physics teacher, but I’ll be damned if he wasn’t the first one making camp liveable by waterproofing the shelter and building a bench. Needless to say, if I’m going to be stranded in the woods, this is a guy I want on my side. As for Kelly, she really said nothing throughout the entire episode, but this is a girl I would want on my side in the jungle, because she’s just cute as hell.

Obviously, I have to make a point about Charlie. Awkward thing about Charlie is that he seems to have a little crush on Marcus, but odds are we won’t be seeing any sparks between those two, what with Marcus being straight and all. Sorry, Charlie. Despite this, Charlie and Marcus seem to have formed a pretty solid alliance along with Corrine and Jacquie. As long as they keep Bob and Kelly around for as long as possible, I’ll be a satisfied member of the audience.

As for the Fang tribe, Randy is awesome. He’s this cynical older guy who doesn’t seem to like anybody and has basically declared his strategy as being “let everyone crash and burn.” Fair enough. Then there’s GC, this kid whose pretty much an idiot, but apparently nobody realized this because at their first tribal council they elected him to be the tribe leader for reasons unknown. At no point before the tribal council did I see GC do anything that would qualify him for a leadership position. If I did choose a leader, it’d be Dan, who seems fairly logical, but at the same time…know what, he’s one of those guys you want to like, but he’s just sort of a dumbass. After losing two challenges, he had the bright idea of their tribe showing up to the next challenge with charcoal on their faces like war paint. You know, to promote some unity and solidarity. Got knews for you. The Fang tribe fell again, he got sent to Exile Island, didn’t find the idol, and that night they were back at tribal council where, thank God, they voted out this older lady Gillian who was significantly holding them back in the challenges.

Fact is, I really want the Fang tribe to fail miserably. Usually I have trouble deciding which alliances I like better because there are certain people I like from both sides. In this case, I think the Kota tribe is awesome and the Fang tribe is collectively just stupid. Needless to say, I think this season will definitely be an interesting one. I suggest watching it.

Brody was in casino jail. It wasn’t real jail. It wasn’t anything exciting like he was involved in a heist or killed a guy, it was for being involved in some sort of stupid fight on the casino floor. At the end of the last episode it should have said “To Be Disappointing” as opposed to “To Be Continued.”

Disappointments aside, big things were happening at People’s Revolution for Whitney. Kelly Cutrone sat down with LC and Whitney about working an event at Area, and of course the best news of all was that Whitney would be styling a performer named Lady Gaga. Unfortunately, I guess I’m not hip because I don’t know who Lady Gaga is and therefore could not share in the excitement, but I was still happy to see big important things happening for Whitney.

Heidi and Spencer are never short on drama, and once again Holly’s presence in LA continues to be a driving force in that drama. This time it’s because Spencer said something to Holly about moving out on behalf of both Heidi and himself, but Heidi never said anything about that and so in short, Heidi was angry. Heidi quickly tracks down Holly and explains that what Spencer said was untrue. Crisis averted.

And now ladies and gentlemen, for the main event. Audrina and LC need to talk. Audrina confides in Justin Bobby about her problems with LC and Lo and realizes that they really need to sort out their issues. Elsewhere, LC and Lo talk about Audrina and how they need to talk. Naturally, this is all leading up to one thing…LC and Audrina actually talking. I’m not gonna lie, it’s actually mildly exciting.

Audrina takes the first step and approaches LC and for a minute, it looks like LC is going to blow it by immediately jumping on the offensive explaining how she tries so hard to be her friend but she feels like Audrina has lost interest. LC is feeling “pathetic” and tired of making Audrina be her friend. Fortunately, Audrina keeps a level head and counters LC’s attack, saying that they can’t just keep drudging up the past, they have to move forward and focus on the present if their friendship is ever going to work again. Eventually, after some tears are shed (LC’s classic one tear running down the cheek that she brushes away while her eyes roll upward diagonally as if to say, “I’m not gonna cry…”) they realize that they both just want to be friends. They hug. And all the scene is really missing is a sudden but gentle kiss between them. It never happened though.

This show needs some new writers.

Vegas!

So the whole gang is Vegas bound! Yes!  Well, not the whole gang. Basically it’s LC, Lo, Stephanie, Brody, Doug, and Frankie out on the town for some good times. Lo fired up our imaginations early on in the episode by asking LC, “So, who you gonna hook up with? Doug or Brody?” No clear response by LC, but I’ll ruin the surprise. Neither. She hooks up with neither. At best, LC might have come close to hooking up with Stephanie, but that didn’t happen either.

In any case, LC fills us in on why Audrina didn’t come:

-LC and Lo and friends were out, and Audrina and her other friends were out

-LC tried to say, but Audrina didn’t seem to respond

-When she finally talked to Audrina, Audrina responded, “I’m out with my friends.”

This makes Audrina look pretty bad. But shortly therafter we got her side of the story, in which she explains to a co-worker that she was in the middle of a conversation when LC was calling her name, and she was trying not to be rude to her friend by cutting her off. Fairly legitimate in my opinion. Case closed.

And now, we’ll switch gears briefly to check in with the Heidi and Spencer front. Heidi arrives home to find Spencer playing arcade games. Heidi comments, “You look like you’re working hard,” to which Spencer scoffs, “Yeah, working hard on my high score.” This is one of those killer lines said by one broski in which another broski must step in and slap him a high five. The only problem is that Spencer has no broskis left because…well…Spencer is the least likable person on television…and in real life.

More Heidi/Spencer drama occurs later in the episode when Spencer shows up at Bolthouse while Heidi’s busy at work. He makes her come downstairs because they need to discuss “serious stuff.” Apparently Holly, Heidi’s sister, erased 3 shows from his tivo. If I was ever asked to make a list of “serious stuff” it would probably include starving children in Africa, the war, hurricane victims…basically depressing topics. I’m not so sure that I’d have the stones to consider my tivo “serious stuff.” Yeah…

Back to Vegas…

While LC, Stephanie, Brody, and Doug are at dinner Stephanie confronts Brody about why he would tell LC not to trust her. Awkward dinner topic. There’s a bit of a blowout and then a bit of a meltdown, and suddenly the Vegas trip is not so fun. The event culminates with Stephanie beginning to cry and a dramatic exit by LC and Stephanie. Lesson learned. When out to dinner on a fun trip, don’t bring up awkward subjects that will inevitably lead to a fight.

The following morning Frankie announces that he got a call from Brody. Brody’s in jail. To be continued…

All is not well in LA as Stephanie Pratt and LC are faced with conflict at multiple ends over their friendship. This episode opens with a rattled Spencer venting to Heidi about his theory that Stephanie and LC are just friends in a clever attempt to make him mad. I wonder if Spencer ever had a nightmare about a post-apocalyptic future where the world and people’s actions did not revolve around him. On the other end of things, we find Brody and LC out to dinner, where Brody warns LC that he thinks Stephanie may have ulterior motives. Brody’s theory actually makes Spencer’s theory sound poetic and insightful. Supposing Stephanie actually did have an ulterior motive, what could that possibly be? She’s spying on LC for Heidi and Spencer? Or perhaps she’s entered LC’s life merely to sabotage all of LC’s relationships? Then again, I guess she could always be a sleeper agent for the fallen Soviet Union sent to LA to start the spread of communism across the states. Man, does this show keep you guessing or what.

Now, remember Whitney’s brief fling in the solo spotlight last week? This episode actually featured her out on a date, completely non-LC involved. While Whitney was supposed to meet up with her boss Kelly Cutrone along with a few other co-workers and a male model named Alex, Kelly cancelled once Whitney and Alex were seated, leaving them all by their lonesome. And here’s the best part: the next time we see Whitney and LC chatting at work, Whitney is the one telling LC about her life. Kelly Cutrone “totally” set her up with Alex, an elaborate scheme to get Whitney out into the dating world. And hey, that’s where she should be. Let’s face it, Whitney’s hot. It’s about time we see her get scooped up.

And of course, we must not forget LC’s love life with Doug…or lack there of. Here’s the dirty dirty. LC confided in Stephanie about how while Doug is a *really* great guy, she just doesn’t see there being much of a future for them. And then, finally, LC went to Doug and talked about just being friends. So now they’re just friends. Neat.

Yes, once again I am behind on “The Hills” but updates are in progress. In any case, season 4’s second episode kicked off with LC and Doug reminiscing about prom pictures, clearly MTV’s little way of forcing this sudden relationship down our throats as if it’s going to work out. This irrelevant scene is followed by another irrelevant yet very significant scene due to the fact that it is entirely Whitney-centric. That’s right. Whitney is out with co-workers from People’s Revolution and there is no sign of LC, Heidi, or Audrina. In any case, her boss, Kelly Cutrone, gives a very intense so-called pep talk to everyone which has absolutely nothing to do with the rest of the episode, which is why it is irrelevant. I guess the real point of the scene was that…well…the scene was entirely focused on Whitney’s life! This makes more sense towards the end of the episode when we find out Kim Cutrone has given Whitney a major promotion, allowing Whitney to shadow her and take a more active role in People’s Revolution. Not only has Whitney scored her own scene, but she scored a sweeter position at work. She’s just snagging promotions all over the place!

Moving on, the crux of this episode lay in Stephanie Pratt’s birthday party, an event that brought together LC and Brody’s entourage and Heidi and Spencer’s whole…well, Heidi and Spencer. Granted, even before Heidi and Spencer rolled in and broke up the fiesta, tensions ran high when Lo and Audrina faced each other for, what we can assume to be, possibly their first major confrontation since Audrina uttered those famous words, “We’ll never be friends.” Lo smirked obnoxiously and greeted Audrina, “How are you?” to which Audrina responds, “I’m good,” and Lo, needing desperately to get the last word states, “Good. I’m glad we talked.”

Soon after, Heidi and Spencer showed up, causing Brody and Frankie to bounce on account of, “All this is, is drama!” Guests dwindled down, until finally it was just Stephanie, Heidi, and Spencer sitting together awkwardly. This was some birthday party. Definitely one to remember.

Finally, the episode winds down with one final confrontation between Stephanie and Spencer, in which Spencer feels the need to talk about “what went down last night,” and accuses her of jumping ship and rolling with his enemies. Didn’t he have this same conversation with Brody regarding Brody and LC hanging out, thereby ending that friendship? He goes on further, explaining rather articulately that she’s his sister and he can’t make her “un-my-sister,” but he wants to while she rolls with that posse. Her eyes well up with tears as she explains that that’s “like, the most hurtful, like, thing that like, you could like say.”

All said and done, I guess Stephanie Pratt’s birthday party went pretty well.