And we’re back. Let me first acknowledge that I have not posted in forever, but I’m back and hopefully I’ll soon report on my favorite summer blockbusters, but right now, it’s “The Hills” time. Season 4, strap yourselves in.
The obvious update is what the hell happened to Heidi after blowing off Brent Bolthouse at the end of last season. In short, the Heidster is on thin ice in the work place, but I guess the upshot is she’s back together with Spencer. That is an upshot, right?
But of course, no season of “The Hills” is complete without some guy in LC’s life…enter Doug. Doug’s a guy that LC apparently dated back in high school, and so currently they seem to be dancing around the prospect of a relationship. When LC filled in Whitney/us about Doug, it must be noted that Whitney was much more animated and excited than usual, leading me to believe that after 3 seasons of asking LC about her life, Whitney’s life has become utterly consumed by living vicariously through LC. LC’s little victories have now become her little victories. I’ll have to wait for more supportive evidence in future episodes.
Actually seeing LC and Doug in action on their date was absolutely priceless. Doug smiles and asks LC, “So what’ve you been up to the past four years?” How dumb is this guy that he asks the girl who has spent the last 4-5 years living her day to day life on MTV for the entertainment of millions. If he wanted to know what LC’s been up to, all he ever had to do was turn on MTV. Right off the bat this question shows us that Doug is not hip to the jive of popular culture because he doesn’t watch “The Hills.” He’s on screen for 30 seconds and we already know he’s an idiot. Anyway, Doug’s ignorant question is followed up by LC commenting on how she thinks “your drink can tell a lot about you.” Doug casually says, “So what’s a beer say about me?” LC smiles flirtatiously and responds, “That…you’re a guy’s guy.” Nobody can write dialog as juicy as this.
Crucial to this episode, as was crucial to the end of last season, is the tension between Audrina and Lo. I gotta say, just watching it feels awkward. Audrina actually defined Lo as “super bitchy” to a co-worker, and after seeing the way Lo acted towards the end of season 3, I can’t exactly argue with that.
Things really heated up at Audrina’s birthday party where LC and Lo had to navigate their way through Audrina’s sketchball friends. Granted, LC’s friends Doug and Frankie showed up…in matching Lakers jerseys…like a couple of tools (just an offhanded and very necessary note I had to make). But yeah, so things got worse between Audrina and Lo because Lo decided to sit upstairs and play with the dog, being basically an anti-social bitch rather than being downstairs bettering her relationship with Audrina. LC tries to reason with Lo about how she can’t stand the awkwardness between them and that Lo had to try and talk to Audrina. As Lo grabbed a piece of cake, LC said, “You’re gonna get cake on your dress” or “you just got cake on your dress,” one of the two. Lo turns to LC and says, “I already had cake on my dress,” then dramatically exits. I’m left sitting in front of the television in awe of what these last few words meant. Was Lo being metaphorical on some level well beyond the understanding of MTV viewers. Whatever she was really saying, I could tell…it was heartbreaking. It was staggering. It was genius.
We’ll table that for a moment and give a brief overview of what happened in Heidi and Spencer’s imperfect little world. Well, Heidi’s sister Holly came to visit, unbeknown to Spencer, who was less than welcoming towards her. Essentially, he was rude and bratty for her entire visit, unhappy with an unwelcome guest. I’m 90% sure this could be considered some MTV twist on dramatic irony, being that Spencer spent most of season 3 imposing on his sister in her apartment. At the end of Holly’s visit, Heidi says she is welcome anytime, and when Holly expresses interest in possibly moving out to LA, Heidi extends an open invite to crash at their place, much to Spencer’s eye-rolling dismay. Talk about a season subplot set-up!
And finally, the showdown. Audrina and Lo dish it out with each other, going back and forth, each of them stating their position that they are not at fault for Audrina feeling ostracized. Clearly though, they really don’t listen to each other and are more interested in proving that one is less at fault than the other. The battle culminates with Audrina rising up and epically proclaiming, “It’s just, I really don’t care. We’ll never be friends.” And so, Lo retreats, and clips from the coming season air…