therealplister.com

Here we go, I’ve been slacking once again on not only writing posts, but watching shows to post on…namely “The Real World.” If I actually had readers, I’d probably be far more motivated to keep on top of it, but anyway, I’ll try and get up to date.

So as we all know, Greg is gone and Joey has returned from rehab. Greg being gone is awesome because the general mood of the house seems better and my general mood while watching the show is better. All is not well for Joey though, as the threat of a relapse looms overhead for him. More threatening is the fact that Joey’s pal from home, Mike, is coming to visit, and it just so happens Mike introduced Joey to a lot of drugs back in the day, so that can’t be good. Fortunately for Joey, he grew a pair and told Mike that he shouldn’t come to visit and instead spent time with his two non-drug using friends from home. Unfortunately for us, this meant we didn’t get to see any serious drama unwind in the humble Hollywood house. This is a common theme I find in “The Real World” and many other shows. Good for them often means bad and less interesting for us.

The focus of this episode was on Joey’s difficult fight to maintain sobriety as well as his pending and eventual decision to leave, but Bri gets the sidebar/subplot as she finally begins to take advantage of her opportunities while in Hollywood. Will introduces her to a producer who checks out her “pipes” (mind you, this is episode 9 and this is the first time we finally get to check out her pipes, I’m not ridiculously impressed after so much build-up), she randomly begins singing on a street corner in hopes of getting recognized by important people (yeah, I thought this was a weird thing to do), and lastly, Bri gets the chance to sing at a gig with the lead singer of the not really popular band The Calling. Hey, things are happening for this girl!

Back to Joey, he finally, after many threats, announces that he will be leaving “The Real World” on an epic quest to maintain his sobriety. No one can convince him to stay, but Dave and Will give him a hell of a last night when they hit up a strip club for a booze free evening with the guys…you know, the boys.

And so, we reach Joey’s last day, where he shares his goodbye letter to alcohol with the house, and they finally recognize everything he’s been through in his life, and just how rough he’s had it. I think he hopes that they feel a little guilty for being insensitive to his need to avoid alcohol and partying, but honestly, I think he was being insensitive to the viewers’ need to watch the cast partake in drinking and partying and making terrible decisions. “The Real World” house was no place for Joey, and it is certainly no place for sensitive, understanding, and a booze free lifestyle.

Joey’s triumphant return from rehab! He is welcomed with wide open arms by the housemates, all happy to have him back, all eager with new and sober plans to help Joey keep off the booze! Plan A was apparently go out and get wasted, leaving Joey alone in the house. Only Sarah had the common decency to return to the house after attending the improv show and keep Joey company, as well as off the bottle.

Granted, that was just one night. What happened in following nights? I guess the housemates felt Plan A went so swimmingly on the first night that they not only continued to go out and get wasted, but they would then come home between 3 and 4 AM and be loud and wasted. I can’t say I don’t condone these activities, I’m a firm believer in wild and crazy nights…but being loud and drunk with a recovered alcoholic in the house trying to sleep? Sort of inconsiderate. More than that, why don’t they just pour him a few shots and say, “Get’er done, Joey!” This continued, and Joey continued to be mad, but sober mad, and not drunk mad, so I guess there’s something positive about this whole situation.

In other news, the whole crew took the stage in an improv “cage match” as Whiskey Tango Foxtrot (notice the initials spell WTF). Did I say the whole crew? I stand corrected because Greg did not show. He had a fashion show to attend and was then at the after party networking with the right people, because being a model takes a lot of talent and connections. Riiiiiight. Being a model requires hiring an agent, and having a little money to get started. Ass. So Greg skipped the big night and faced some serious consequences at the following practice. I believe Charna, the cast’s boss, used the word “fired.”

For those of you who don’t know what that means for Greg, it means he no longer lives in “The Real World” house. Part of being on the show is having the job, and Greg no longer has the job, and therefore the producers are no longer footing the bill for him to live in a sweet ass house and film him. While Greg attempted to argue against being fired, he failed to admit what a %&$*ing loser he is for finding a way to get fired from this job. They took improv classes. It wasn’t even a traditional job. He had to show up to classes and improv shows. I’d be willing to estimate that 40% of this “job” simply entailed showing up, and Greg screwed that up. Although, what does anybody really expect from a guy who’s greatest prank involved stealing a housemates underwear and his only really goal in life is to be model?

Greg, it’s been real, it’s been fun…scratch that last part. At best I can say it’s been real. That’s all I got in me.

This episode of “The Real World” was easily the most turbulent ride of…I hesitate to say the summer, and I’m even more hesitant to say my television watching career, let alone my “Real World” watching career. I don’t know, we’ll have to settle on referring to it as somewhat of a roller coaster ride because there were so many ups and downs intertwined with a variety of highs and lows.

Picture this: Will and Dave tag team taunting Greg, calling him out on not sticking up for himself and always lying. What I specifically liked about this seemingly out-of-nowhere outburst amongst the three, was all the bouncing around and yelling about how they were not able to actually fight or throw punches. Furthermore, Will throwing fake punches at Greg’s face was also fairly amusing in this scene, but I’ll tell you what wasn’t funny…Will being removed from the house for the night and watching Dave (who never gets angry) get angry.

The following day the house sat down for a chat and fortunately Will was not kicked out of the house.  Another crucial moment this episode was the whole house paying Joey a visit, where they discussed further serious topics, like Joey being an alcoholic. The reality of Joey soon returning to the house made the reality of the housemates needing to be sensitive to Joey’s disease much more…well…real. As a result, chaos ensued.

Now, in complete contrast to Will and Dave’s blow out with Greg as described above, picture this: All the housemates except Sarah and Joey, however joined by Jo-Jo and Reva in the hot tub…naked! Bri kissing Greg. Bri kissing Dave. Bri kissing Jo-Jo. Will kissing Reva. Reva kissing Greg. Kim kissing Dave. Getting drunk just has tragic consequences…tragic consequences like everybody having a good time, getting naked, and making out with each other. But of course, just as the random jump made from an angry and tense house to a house of drunken debauchery, there was plenty of time for one last random mood swing.

An alcohol specialist of some sort came to the house to talk to everybody about what they would need to do to keep Joey from drinking. This is an absolute buzzkill. It sounds terrible to say that, but you know, everyone was talking a big game about being sensitive to Joey’s need to stay away from the partying scene, but I really have to side with Bri here, in that she pointed out that they are all out there to party and have a good time, and be part of that scene. More importantly, we are watching this show to watch them party, have a good time, and make some bad decisions. It’s unrealistic to expect them to go horseback riding and bowling, and unrealistic things have no place on “The Real World.” It really is sort of sad and pathetic, but it’s dumb for Joey to not have permanently withdrawn from the house, because he’s in a place primarily focused on drinking, screwing up, and getting pissed off at each other. Probably not the safest place for a recovering alcoholic. Sorry, brother.

We’ve been seeing this all season. Greg’s a dick. Until now it’s been mildly tolerable. He’s sort of been the obligatory antagonizing ass that every reality show needs, but it’s at an entirely different level now. It’s always been obnoxious, but this is ridiculous. When I walk away from the the TV actually angry, there’s a serious problem.

Let’s see what he did…ummm…Dave was pissed that Kim told Justine that he was hanging out and hooking up with naked girls…and Greg went on to tell Dave that Justine wasn’t that hot. Not so comforting. He stole Sarah’s underwear and lied about it. He FINALLY admitted to putting rocks in Will’s bed, a bloody tissue in Dave’s bed, and laying money out on his bed. This guy must have raised some serious hell on Goosey Night back in his day.

A few other plot points from this episode: Sarah’s boyfriend Ryan came to visit. Everybody liked Ryan. He was polite, friendly, and non-confrontational.  Greg actually threatened this guy despite the fact that Ryan was completely not causing a confrontation. He was completely backing down and trying to just diffuse the altercation between Greg and Sarah by just getting Sarah to walk away. Greg’s a dick.

Furthermore, Greg’s extensive vocabulary is really starting to irritate me. He tries so hard to speak intellectually, when honestly, this guy is so dumb I bet he tries hard just to speak in general. At one point he used a strange combination of letters that came out as “sniving.” I cannot refer to “sniving” as anything other than a strange combination of letters because it is not a word. This guy is ridiculous!

Another important plot point: Greg’s girl Reva has a bit of a crush on Will. Will isn’t so fond of Greg, so he played the revenge game and made a pass on Reva. This culminated in an epic moment in which Will and Reva holed up in the confessional, did some making out…and then a little somethin’ somethin’ else. Afterwards, Reva denied that anything happened, and while Greg believes her, he is not too happy about his good buddy “William” moving in on his girl. By the way, I absolutely must extend my congratulations to Will for getting the ultimate revenge on Greg. There’s probably nothing worse than getting with another guy’s girl…it’s a damn cold move…and Greg totally deserved it for being as a big a loser as he is.

Really, it’s unbelievable how pathetic this guy is. Stealing underwear? Putting rocks in somebody’s bed? Laying hundred dollar bills out on your bed and asking who did it? Why is this funny? More importantly, when everyone in the house specifically hates you, would you really think anyone’s dumb enough to believe you had nothing to do with these so-called pranks? ‘Nuff said about that. So Greg, if you’re reading this, do the world a favor and go play in traffic.

Fact: Everybody needs lovin’. Fact: Some need lovin’ more than others. Fact: Bri is a trashy little ho. More on that last one later.

Dave, like all guys, is not infallible. He’s not above his needs. He’s also not above playing dirty. So when his girl Kim stiff arms him at the bar when he leans in for a little dancin’ and lovin’, he accepts the emasculating moment, goes his own way, and meets a cute blonde…that he brings back to the house later. Meanwhile, Kim is getting trashed, denying that she clearly is into Dave. Despite the fact that Dave did nothing with this biddy he brought back, Kim is absolutely kicking up a %$&storm about him, and so an awkward silence falls between the two for roughly two days. Finally, Kim recognizes that she, like Dave, and those you will hear about next (Greg and Bri), needs lovin’. They cuddle away the tension and all is right in the world.

Now, you may recall that Greg thought he was too good to go to a mandatory improv show, and similarly, he showed up late to practice because he needed a haircut (apparently he couldn’t get a haircut any earlier than noon) and then he had to leave early  to rehearse for his fashion show that night. Yes, the runway is Greg’s calling…what a %$#&ing tool. So, Greg skipped out on his obligations, because, he desperately needed his “associates” to watch him strut the strip. Everybody needs lovin’…and I guess everyone also needs different kinds of lovin’.

As for Bri…I have less and less respect for this girl every time I see her. Yup, Bri was desperate for lovin’, but come on, really? Obviously everyone remembers Jo-Jo (perhaps better known as Ho-Ho). Well, Bri brought Jo-Jo back for some lovin’…but she was so damn desperate that she had to get that lovin’ with Sarah and Kim still in the room. Bigger issue with this? The fact that she didn’t understand what Sarah was so mad about. Bri is so trashy that she does not understand that sex two feet away from people uninvolved is really not appropriate behavior…I’m pretty sure some really skanky people would even agree that that is pretty damn trashy. Nice, Bri, real nice.

Again, there was some tension between Sarah and Bri, but things blew over and they both apologized. It went something like this:

Bri: “Sarah, I’m sorry for being a skank.”

Sarah: “It’s okay, because it makes good television.”

Yeah…something like that. Not really anything like that actually. But you know, what they actually said wasn’t terribly interesting, so saying it happened like that makes for a good post. Good posts get me readers. Call me a sell out.

Well, it’s no longer a secret in the house that Joey has had his fair share of issues with alcohol. Unfortunately, we haven’t seen the worst of it…until now. And no, this is not just a small subplot in this hour-long episode…oh no, this takes up the whole damn thing, baby. Joey’s out with Dave and the girls at Tokio (the bar that this cast seems to frequent) and he just starts throwing back alcohol left and right. Dave gives him fair warning about what Joey’s said before about his alcohol problems, but Joey brushes it off and continues throwin’ back the booze.

Later that night, Greg brings back some of his “associates” (brief crash course in Greg: he refers to women as “associates” because they aren’t necessary his friends and they aren’t necessarily his girlfriends, so “associates” is apparently the best way to describe them) and along with Joey, they are partying well past 2 AM, at which point Kim points out how inconsiderate they are being. One thing leads to another, things begin to settle down…but Joey does not.

Interlude: Now you may be wondering what Bri and Will have to do with all this. You also may not give a shit. I’ll tell you anyway. You may recall that Bri had a warrant out for her arrest. Well, she had to go to the arraignment in Philly, and brought Will along for moral support (personally, I wouldn’t be there to give Bri moral support because she’s a little crazy, and I wouldn’t feel too comfortable escorting her by myself to a court case involving her having assaulted her ex-boyfriend…I have certain boundaries). In any case, her boyfriend Bobby dropped the charges, but now she still has to return to Philly for another court case at some point, I guess now one with the state being that there was a warrant out for her arrest while she was away.

Back to Joey. He spent the entire night thrashing around, yelling about wanting to get kicked out of the house and hating all these “clowns.” Several times he acted as if he was going to hit Dave, Greg, or the girls, which was sort of sketchy and not so cool. Further uncool, was that he drank all of Dave’s booze that were specifically marked “Only Dave’s.” The roommates attempted to steer clear of Joey while he continued reenacting scenes from “The Incredible Hulk,” but finally when things seemed ready to cool down, they had an impromptu intervention about his drinking. His intervention culminated in the producers stepping in and agreeing to take Joey to a 30 Day rehab facility, after which he could return to the house. Good deal, I guess.

I guess there’s little else to be said about this roller coaster of an episode, but that is why Joey won’t be seen for the next few episodes. ‘Nuff said.